hello//archives//goodbye

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

pearls

every other night, you like your supper with some late night TV 
but tonight, you sit at the dining table, facing me

but we both look down at our bowl of noodles and slurp noisily
to make up for all the words we refuse to say

you had handed me a bag of plasters and ointments
i will be alone when i fall sick next
alone on a foreign land
and you told me you couldn't think of anything else to get me
you had already bought me boxes of herbal tea for when the weather turns icy

and i said thank you
i know the unspoken words behind each gift
i know the thought and affection that made you
sit at your office computer and think of all the contingencies, 
all the emergencies, and walk to the pharmacy

i hear in your voice as you tell me to drink more water, sleep earlier, go to the doctor's
i hear what you dare not say
i say, yes, yes, okay, okay
and i hope you hear what i dare not say too

you want to tell me that you will miss me, that you are already missing me
and i want to tell you that i have been crying myself to sleep for a week

but we drown these words with others
we hide them with the pearls and hand each other oyster shells
we disguise them as foams of the sea and send the waves ashore
over and over and over again

behave yourself, take care of yourself, call home
i will, i will, i definitely will

i also want to tell you
don't be sad, it will be less than a year before i see you
please don't be sad, please don't cry

but we don't have that kind of a relationship
(i hope you hear them anyway)



//i am already missing home so, so much, and i know it's silly! because i will only be gone for a year, two at most..but life isn't made up of years..it's made up of moments and i'm missing out so much :(


1 comment:

  1. Read this and I am emotionally wrecked! You are definitely tougher than you appear...we are missing those moments too!

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