hello//archives//goodbye

Monday, January 26, 2015

what i miss the most


When you were away, the part of you that i missed the most was not your smile nor your laugh, beautiful though they were. Neither was it your dark eyes deep with all the secrets you could not tell me, or the lone dimple on your left cheek that i seek like hidden treasure. It wasn't the way you tilt your head or set your jaw, but i watched you do those things often (i watched you often) and they always sent my heart running and racing for a place i have yet to find.

What i miss about you the most is close to the touch of your damp (damned) skin - from shower or sweat - on mine and closer still to the tightening of your arms around my waist in the moments between waking and sleeping, in the hour between the waning moon and the rising sun and closest to the feel of your lips - light as a feather, quick as a bird - on the side of my neck, back of my hand, top of my head (i never saw them coming) - but it wasn't any one of those things.

It was your hands, strangely, it was your hands - the way they wrapped around my fingers; never letting go come tide of troop, traffic or time. Often i could not see you, lost in the crowd, could not hear you, drowned and deafened by the commotion, but always, i could feel you - your hand in mine - and i know that you were with me and i was not alone. i miss your hands cupped around my cheeks, i miss your hands resting on the base of my spine, on the base of my neck. i miss handing you a jar and watching you twist off the tightly screwed on lid. i miss watching you stretch (catching a glimpse of your stomach) and reach for the wineglasses we keep high-up in the cabinet with a bottle of red cradled in my arms and the thought of celebration and congratulations in both our minds.

They were the part of you i watched the most - flying across keyboards, picking out ripe fruits with a squeeze, flipping pancake, writing letters.. your hands (and everything you do) were always a reflection of you - you of few words and hidden thoughts.

//i really don't know where these come from..but they are haunting me.

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