Monday, October 14, 2013


lately, my thoughts have been wandering into that scary part of my mind. 
that corner that nurses the what-ifs and the if-onlys, that crevice that contemplates the unthinkable, the unfathomable, the cannot-bes.

i keep going back to the death of a certain person and it kills me every single time.
i cry and i don't know why.
i tell myself that i am jinxing my own tomorrow, cursing it, stop it, stop it, but i can't.
and tears, oh, they come like a storm.

i think of all things that are yet to be and i hope and hope that they will come but what if?
i cannot see any other way.
oh, what if, what if?

and then, i am afraid.

i've been hearing people telling me to let go, it's not right, you are unequally yoked, let go, let go.
but i don't want to.
not while there's hope, not while i can still wish and pray and hold on to the just-maybe.

and then, i think, what if just because i've been so selfish, so stubborn to give it up that it has to be taken by force?

but i'm stuck, oh, i'm so stuck.

tell me, in a sea of silver fishes, would you let go of a pink dolphin?

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