hello//archives//goodbye

Friday, January 11, 2013

missing

of all things, i miss your face the most, though i've memorized your every expression down to the last, most minuscule detail; the curve of your eyes when you smile, the line of your jaw, the one bottom tooth that rebelled against its comrades and stood a little way back..

i've stood you up and let you down so many times, it's a wonder you still try to get me to spend time with you. Each time i apologize for, once again, cancelling out on plans we've made, i'm afraid that it loses it's value. I'm afraid that every sorry that comes through my lips will become cheap. 

But i am sorry, so sorry, for disappointing you, for disappointing myself. For missing the one chance we have to meet in a long, long time. For making it seem like a sin to be happy.

i miss your face, unpixelated through skype and i miss your voice, unaltered by the phone line. i miss the conversations, spoken and unspoken. 

and it's times like this, when my heart longs and my mind craves, that i resent my parents for caring too much, for fearing the night and all the dangerous creatures they imagine it unleashes, for treating me like a child while telling me to grow up.

i hope you're not thinking of me and wishing i was there and i hope you're wrong and that we'll meet soon.

until then, i'll think of you in the secret of the night and in the quiet of the morning.



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