i'm so messed up and i need to just spew it out.
it's my final year of high school and i'm feeling the pressure of deciding what to study when i graduate.
family members are asking me, friends are asking me, teachers are asking me, strangers who find out that i'm in my final year are asking me.
and, honestly, i have no answer for them.
i want to do something i know i will enjoy but i'm so afraid of it not working out.
i want to do something that will give me something new each day.
i know that a job that challenges my creativity will be fulfilling and immensely satisfying
but what if, i'm not good enough?
in the small world that i live in now, people tell me that i'm good at what i do and i hope they are not saying that just to make me happy :p
but what if i come up short on a bigger scale?
what if i'm inadequately prepared for things the world presents to me?
then, i'll be stuck. it'll be a dead end.
okay, fine, the world won't end but i'll feel like such a failure!
but if i pick something more logic based, like accounting or engineering, where there are black and white rules to follow, i'm pretty sure i won't go wrong.
but i'll be just going through the motions.
it'll be just a means for me to continue living.
do i really want to spend five days or more a week doing something i don't enjoy?
but sometimes, it's not matter of what i want to do, but what i should do.
i'm so messed up.